If your church doesn’t feel like family, shame on you!

In a previous post I addressed the often one-sided application of Hebrews 10:24-25 toward those who leave a church with no seeming regard for how the passage equally applies to those who remain in a church. I asked “Are leaders merely pointing the Hebrews 10:24-25 finger at those who are departing or is the finger pointing inward and outward as well?”

I just learned of another similar and sad illustration of this one-sidedness. Much to my disappointment it comes from Mark Driscoll who points the finger in one direction only. He rightly claims that church should feel like a family but short-sightedly insists that if it does not, then it’s the fault of those who are not serving in the church. Not once does he ask why people may not be serving! Don’t get me wrong. I believe Driscoll is right….as far as he goes. We’ve all known “balcony” believers (to coin a J. I. Packer phrase) who sit by passively expecting to be waited on by the church and fill out their complaint card (if only in their minds) at the end of every worship service. I suppose those people deserve to feel excluded.

But I would argue these kind of people Driscoll targets are a very small percentage of those who are not serving in the church. What about those who have been deeply scared by the church or profoundly wounded by life but who continue going to church hoping to connect with others only to feel excluded by the church? Is it necessarily their fault for not feeling included? Think about it! Don’t just greet me at the door, hand me a bulletin, do a high-five as you walk by on your way to talk to someone you’ve known for years! How dare you say it’s my fault for not being more involved when you seemingly don’t give a rip! How dare you use Scripture to charge me with apathy when you yourselves are apathetic about why I’m not involved! How dare you not show me the common courtesy of asking how I am, pause long enough to look me in the eye, and mean it! Of course we all should go to church to serve the living God, but we do this with others and for others because “others” are God’s church!

I fear Driscoll is unknowingly accommodating a kind of group-think where one group vilifies or even demonizes the other. If you’re not with me, you’re against me. If you’re not feeling included, then there’s something wrong with you (After all, it couldn’t be that I’m partly to blame by failing to intentionally and personally reach out to you.). Instead of doing the kind of hard pastoral and prayerful analysis necessary to gain insight into people’s lives, Driscoll plays the shame game. Listen to his rant for yourself and ask, “Am I earnestly wrestling with why some are not more engaged in the ‘family’ or do I just point my biblical finger at them?“