Know anyone who…?

def·er·ence [def-er-uh ns]— a disposition or tendency to yield to the will of another.

Do you know anyone who…

• has to have the last word?
• pushes back whenever you present your ideas to them with a “Yea, but….,” and then unpacks a full-blown apologetic for their stance?
• gets defensive whenever you call out their behavior or speech?

What ever happened to deference?

When the Corinthians were failing to settle disputes amongst themselves, Paul asks rhetorically “Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?” (1 Corinthians 6:7). It’s as if he’s saying, “better to admit defeat for the sake of unity—even if you’re right!—than to assert your own position and risk division.”

Believers in Rome are exhorted to “live peaceably with all” and Paul insists that deference is the key, adding “as far as it depends on you” (Romans 12:18; see also Matthew 5:9; Mark 9:50).

Not only is submission a sign of reverence for Christ but it is an indication of being under the Holy Spirit’s influence (Ephesians 5:18-21). Now try to imagine submission without deference.

In fact failure to defer to others hardly looks different from the fleshly vice of “selfish ambition” (Galatians 5:20; Philippians 2:3), which believers are told to overcome. Selfishness, or persistent threats of counterexample, is never an ethical option for followers of Christ.

Speaking of Christ “when he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23; see also Isaiah 53:7). Though a victim Jesus did not insist on having his own way. He did not become defensive or push back on the circumstances. Instead, he deferred by continually  giving himself and his circumstances over to God (note the imperfect tense “παρεδίδου”). Christ had a settled confidence that in time God will set things right side up.

Jesus taught us to defer to God’s will as we pray (Matthew 6:10). He modeled deference in his prayer just before going to the cross as he pleaded with God to “take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). Deference to God’s will is the underlying principle for all theologically responsible, spiritually mature prayer. Otherwise, our prayers are reduced to presumption.

There is a price to pay for deferring to others. It may go unnoticed by some. As Jesus hung from the cross (the ultimate expression of deference), Luke records that the nearby soldiers “divided up his clothes by casting lots” (Luke 23:34). As if to add insult to injury, their reaction to an innocent man dying is materialism! The soldiers could not show a measure of civility during this darkest hour and defer by saying, “Go ahead. You can have his tunic.” Instead, they had to place a bet for it! May the best man win.

When the disciples ambitiously asserted their own plans for success, Jesus admonished them saying, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all” (Mark 10:42-44, ESV). Failing to defer to others is not only an attempt to dominate, but an explicit denial of sacrifice and service.

Ironically, Christ’s powerless ministry of deference is the means by which the most powerful act of all is accomplished: atonement for our sins (Mark 10:45) and the defeat of evil. Imagine what some small act of deferring to others might yield!

Know anyone who is like this?