The story of Jane Marczewski (aka Nightbirde) is special because it portrays a person who is experiencing immense tragedy on a scale many of us have not known. What makes it special is that she is managing her tragedy in ways not only remarkable but inspirational. Her response is simply, “It’s OK.”
This is moving. At least it is for me. Remove all distractions, give it a listen, and see if her song does not also move you.
Seems to me there are only two kinds of people who can go through such suffering and pain with this mindset: either severe denial or deep trust. Ms. Marczewski is clearly not in denial. In her post titled “God is on the Bathroom Floor” she writes:
I have had cancer three times now, and I have barely passed thirty.
If an explanation would help, He would write me one—I know it. But maybe an explanation would only start an argument between us—and I don’t want to argue with God. I want to lay in a hammock with Him and trace the veins in His arms.
I look hard for the answers to the prayers that I didn’t pray. I look for the mercy-bread that He promised to bake fresh for me each morning. The Israelites called it manna, which means “what is it?”
That’s the same question I’m asking—again, and again. There’s mercy here somewhere—but what is it? What is it? What is it?
I see mercy in the dusty sunlight that outlines the trees, in my mother’s crooked hands, in the blanket my friend left for me, in the harmony of the wind chimes. It’s not the mercy that I asked for, but it is mercy nonetheless. And I learn a new prayer: thank you. It’s a prayer I don’t mean yet, but will repeat until I do.
Call me cursed, call me lost, call me scorned. But that’s not all. Call me chosen, blessed, sought-after. Call me the one who God whispers his secrets to. I am the one whose belly is filled with loaves of mercy that were hidden for me.
You can watch the AGT phenom here, which I recommend.
See also my series, “God Has a Story, Too: Reflections on Suffering & Evil”.